Does this scenario sound familiar?

At the end of a long day you find yourself doing dishes stacked up to the ceiling. You don't really want to do them but acknowledge that they have to be done. So you roll up your sleeves and get to work. However, a few minutes in you realize that your partner is watching tv, which feels like a complete disparity and you are now filled with utter resentment.

This is what I would like to explore in this scenario: What do you do with your resentment?

I think it's tempting in that moment to do what I call “doing the dishes louder.” Without considering what we're needing, we begin to express anger and disappointment and helplessness through our words and/or behavior. We bang the pots around louder than needed or we make a hyperbolic sigh, all while letting our brain run with an angry chatter that points out all the areas of disparity in our relationship.

If this has ever felt like you, here's my challenge:
Stop doing the dishes louder.

Instead, take a deep breath and practice asking yourself in that moment:
If I could have anything in the world right now, what would I want or need?

When you exercise this muscle, you may find that in that moment:

You're tired and would prefer to push off the dishes until tomorrow
OR
You realize that you'd appreciate some help
OR
That it’d make you feel better to do the dishes with your favorite album playing in the background
OR
That your body is crying out for some well-deserved sleep

If this is what you find, my second challenge is that you practice listening to yourself.

Challenge the belief that you HAVE to do the dishes tonight. They can wait for the morning (and if you can't challenge this, take ownership that this is your quirky belief. This is not your partner doing this to you).
If you need help, in the most inviting way possible, ask for it. And if your partner misses the que, don't just sulk back to the kitchen. Advocate for yourself. Give them an opportunity to hear how important this is to you.
If you want to listen to your favorite album, go grab your headphones or speaker. Let yourself be carried away by this simple pleasure.
And if you need sleep, again, the dishes can wait. Go to sleep early.

Resentment often makes us feel like the victim of our own story. However, more often than not, resentment reveals that we have overstepped our own boundaries in a situation and are now expecting those around us to do the same. And when they don't, we feel locked and loaded with justification that we are entitled to rage and feelings of martyrdom.

You are not a martyr. You have choice.

Make the choice to practice listening to what you can and can't do, to do what you actually want, and please—listen to your limits prior to running your life on fumes.

Let go of doing the dishes louder and take responsibility for your own life and decisions. You will feel better as you practice being in tune with yourself. There will be clearer communication in your home (asking for help directly is much easier to understand than the abstract, unspoken request for help by doing the dishes loudly). Lastly, your resentment will decrease, creating more space in your life for creativity and empowerment.